Therapy Techniques to Cultivate Respect and Appreciation in Your Relationship

Do you feel like respect and appreciation are fading in your relationship? Small gestures of gratitude and respect can transform the way you connect with your partner.  Respect and appreciation in relationships act as the foundation for emotional intimacy, trust, and long-term connection.  This blog will explore Gottman Method techniques that help couples cultivate respect and appreciation, strengthening their emotional bond.

Why Respect and Appreciation Matter in Relationships

The power of appreciation is transformative. Feeling appreciated can deeply impact overall satisfaction in a relationship.  These are the small moments that Gottman always talks about.  The  moment we take to recognize our partner for something ends up making them feel more valued.  Multiply those moments and they really begin to feel their contribution to the relationship, which in turn, increases feelings of respect and contentment in regards to our commitment to each other.  Mutual respect fosters trust, making both partners feel safe and understood.  When this shows up in communication, even during disagreements, a couple’s bond grows stronger, and their trust deepens.

Therapy Techniques for Cultivating Respect and Appreciation

Active listening is a key tool for ensuring both partners feel heard and respected. It fosters empathy and mutual understanding, allowing appreciation to flow freely.  This looks like listening without interrupting, reflecting back what we hear our partner saying, and expressing understanding.

Expressing appreciation daily is another potent technique.  One of Gottman’s principals is that consistent, small acts of appreciation strengthen the relationship over time. Expressing gratitude daily shows your partner you value them and helps build emotional intimacy.  If you try it, you will see.  When we notice our partner’s contribution, both the big things and the small everyday things, we end up feeling better overall. 

Celebrating Each Other’s Strengths

Focusing on strengths rather than weaknesses helps couples shift the dynamic toward positive reinforcement, creating a culture of appreciation.  We celebrate a win together at home or at work.  We pay more attention to the effort and energy our partner puts into keeping the house organized, getting food to the table or orchestrating much needed date nights.  We say “Thanks”, “I know that wasn’t easy, and I appreciate you for doing it”, “You did a great job with that”, “I love the way you help our children through their bedtime routine.”  Focus there for a week, and observe for shifts around how you are feeling about your partner or in the relationship.  

Gottman talks about  “turning toward” your partner’s emotional needs.  This helps reinforce respect and appreciation. Even a simple gesture, like asking about their day, shows care. A common way this plays out in my practice is when a client says they come home and asks about their partner’s day.  This is what Gottman refers to as a “bid for attention”.  Our partner turns toward us by putting down their phone (for example) to share about what their day has been like.  They take a few minutes to connect and catch up, which make both people feel tuned into and deeply respected.

How Therapy Helps Reinforce These Practices 

Therapy helps couples establish a safe space where both partners feel comfortable expressing vulnerability, which is essential for showing respect and appreciation.  It also encourages couples to actively understand and respect each other’s perspectives—even when they don’t agree—promoting a culture of mutual appreciation.  This includes practicing taking the time to acknowledge each other’s perspectives and contribution even in the session. 

The Gottman Method provides tools to approach conflict with respect and understanding, allowing couples to maintain their appreciation for each other even during disagreements.
Nicole and Aaron are a couple who have been together for four years. They have felt a growing distance between them and engaged in therapy.  Historically, Aaron has a habit of critical communication. In therapy, Aaron learned the skills and began to institute a habit of adding an expression of gratitude for Nicole each day. One example went like this,  “Nicole,  I know you had a really long day at work. Thank you for taking the time to sit down and watch Homeland with me.”  Aaron  found that using Gottman’s techniques enhanced his appreciation of Nicole as well as helping her to feel safer in their relationship. This allowed them  to manage conflict with an increased level of respect, even in emotionally charged conversations.

When to Seek Therapy for Improving Respect and Appreciation 

If you find that respect and appreciation are lacking in your relationship, it can lead to emotional disconnection. Therapy can help couples re-establish these vital elements.  Cultivating respect and appreciation in your relationship requires consistent effort, but the payoff is a stronger emotional connection and a healthier partnership. Gottman’s methods offer practical tools that foster these qualities every day.  If you are ready to improve your relationship with respect and appreciation, feel free to reach out and book a free 20 minute consultation with a Gottman Method-trained therapist at The Lake Erie Center for Relationship Counseling to start building a more connected, appreciative partnership today.